One, I found out I am pregnant. What a process and I am finally over the first trimester, so I no longer have morning sickness, which is such a great achievement I feel. I am now excited, rather than scared with these few months of soaking it all in. Life was on hold for a few years and it feels good to take this giant step.
Second, after three months of waiting, I was not seeing or feeling any signs of improvement. The swelling takes so long to subside and I was feeling tired, helpless, and defeated. Is this really going to work, I thought? Am I being fed all these ideas of smiling again when in fact, I will never? So, with some research, I found a Rehabilitation Psychologist. The process has been really helpful and I am learning to let my light shine and accept myself right now, at this part of the process because who knows if I will look better and when. I have also had help to realize that I do look better than I did and I should be able to start living life like I used to to some extent. If I feel normal and hold my head up high, others treat me more normal, and I leave the situation feeling proud of myself for being the happy go lucky person and not an awkward wierdo. I have tried it out and it works.
The Psychologist explained that I show some signs, not all, of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It feels good to associate myself with a category so that I could understand my minds issues. What I have been through in the last few years has been hard and I find it easier to find bravery knowing the associations to a traumatic life experience.
So, on to some pretty exciting news. My cheek is twitching right near the corner of my mouth. I also feel very faint movement in my lower jaw area. I feel motivated again to do my exercises and I am hopeful that I will end up with movement. Also, I have quite a bit of skin sensitivity in some areas. If I rub my fingers down the paralyzed side cheek bone, I can cause this twitching to occur. I can also feel slight pain on the non paralyzed cheek bone area when I rub the cheekbone of my paralyzed side. I do not know how else to explain it.
Hope this helps someone!
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| 4 mnths post cross face nerve graft |
