One, I found out I am pregnant. What a process and I am finally over the first trimester, so I no longer have morning sickness, which is such a great achievement I feel. I am now excited, rather than scared with these few months of soaking it all in. Life was on hold for a few years and it feels good to take this giant step.
Second, after three months of waiting, I was not seeing or feeling any signs of improvement. The swelling takes so long to subside and I was feeling tired, helpless, and defeated. Is this really going to work, I thought? Am I being fed all these ideas of smiling again when in fact, I will never? So, with some research, I found a Rehabilitation Psychologist. The process has been really helpful and I am learning to let my light shine and accept myself right now, at this part of the process because who knows if I will look better and when. I have also had help to realize that I do look better than I did and I should be able to start living life like I used to to some extent. If I feel normal and hold my head up high, others treat me more normal, and I leave the situation feeling proud of myself for being the happy go lucky person and not an awkward wierdo. I have tried it out and it works.
The Psychologist explained that I show some signs, not all, of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It feels good to associate myself with a category so that I could understand my minds issues. What I have been through in the last few years has been hard and I find it easier to find bravery knowing the associations to a traumatic life experience.
So, on to some pretty exciting news. My cheek is twitching right near the corner of my mouth. I also feel very faint movement in my lower jaw area. I feel motivated again to do my exercises and I am hopeful that I will end up with movement. Also, I have quite a bit of skin sensitivity in some areas. If I rub my fingers down the paralyzed side cheek bone, I can cause this twitching to occur. I can also feel slight pain on the non paralyzed cheek bone area when I rub the cheekbone of my paralyzed side. I do not know how else to explain it.
Hope this helps someone!
4 mnths post cross face nerve graft |
We love you, Jilly Bean!
ReplyDeleteI am truly excited for you Jill, and am soo proud of your patience in healing and positive attitude towards your life.... as your life is certainly a blessed one. Since becoming pregnant 17 months ago my mind and body have changed, I am still struggling with it all, but believe in time I will have control of myself again and be "me"
ReplyDeleteThrough all this I think of you and your light, you help me... you are an incredible friend