Let the surgeries begin! Restore my smile please.

Most of you know where I am at on my journey through life.  I have had some great highs and some hard to swallow lows in the last couple years.  Positive events such as marrying my best friend and the love of my life, Adam, have kept me a float.  Our family as well as all of our friends are so supportive and loving, which truly makes this life worth living for me.  Love is amazing, powerful and just may be the best emotion and word there is.

My upcoming surgeries offer me the opportunity to smile again, to have emotional and spontaneous movement in the right side of my face, which is currently paralyzed.  The heartbreak I have felt from losing my smile and communication with others has the fighting chance to mend, which is awesome to its fullest meaning and very scary at the same time.   It is given that I will not have as much movement as I used to have pre-brain surgery, but I will be able to move more than I do now if the surgeries are successful.  All I want to do is bring a smile to someones face by smiling at them.  So basic, yet so complex.  I want to bring joy, lightness, and happiness to others lives with my face.  I'm tired of wearing this complex face that bears my wounds for everyone I pass to view, question, ponder, feel sorry for, and sometimes judge.

So, how will the new Jill look?  I just don't know.  I hope I like it.  The human face doesn't normally change in drastic amounts.  The comfort of knowing what ones face looks like, has been completely lost for me at this time.  So, bring a comfortable face back to me, I ask in all that there is on earth, in heaven, the skies, the deep seas, all the way to the possible aliens in other solar systems... :) Please hear me Lord! Hear me Grandpa Tom, Donald Taylor, Pop, Chancey-Boy!  I know you are out there. (Ah, breathe Jill.)  Trust is what I must do, even though it is risky business.  Ok, 9 out of a dozen eggs are in my basket.  Is that enough trust without letting myself down if things don't work out as I desire?

Now that I have counseled my way through this blog, I feel a bit more clear mentally.  This is good for me.  I know the issue is a little dark, but it is my reality day in, day out.  At least Helen Keller's words of wisdom guide me in the right direction, along with the sweet little face of our puggy Oliver. 

"Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form

an invincible host against difficulty."  Helen Keller

 

Toot-a-loo! jpc